“If he really loves me, he’ll change.” How many times have you heard a woman in a new romantic relationship utter those words?
With that sentiment she creates an expectation that this new person in her life wants to and will change a part of who he is to become (or at least appear to become) the man she desires in her world.
Is that fair? Is it a wise move on her part? Would you really find success, long-term success, in a relationship where one partner changes to accommodate the other’s desires?
Expectations lead to disappointment and heartbreak.
How?
Take a moment to think about how you create expectations. Exactly what process happens in your mind? Perhaps you never thought about it before, at least not consciously.
When you create an expectation you put out a vision of something happening at some point in the future. You visualize a situation turning out a certain way. You may set that picture for yourself creating a specific outcome. Or you may paint a picture of a specific behavior being exhibited by another person in a certain situation.
Whether the expectation you set is for you to accomplish a certain task or for another person to behave a certain way, if something different occurs — something different creating an undesired result — you usually wind up feeling disappointed.
While the first situation may lead to disappointment, the second scenario (where you want another person to exhibit a new behavior) can lead to heartbreak.
You cannot create in someone else’s world.
No matter how much you wish to direct the behavior of another person, regardless of how much you would like to see that person choose certain or fail to choose specific actions, the fact remains that he or she alone must choose how to behave in any given moment.
You may suggest action steps to another person. You may even urge him or her to act a certain way. The thing is, it is not possible for you to know which step is in the highest and best interest of that person on his or her life journey. Your urgings may or may not benefit him or her.
Even in your own life, while you set a goal to arrive at a specific destination, your journey make take unanticipated (even painful) twists and turns allowing you to grow into who you need to become to achieve your ultimate life purpose. You choose the “what” while the Universe creates the “how.”
Ultimately, you can only make choices for you. You can only seek guidance for you. Trust that the Universe acts on your wishes in each moment. Sometimes it is hard to see forward movement because you expect help and guidance to show up in a specific form.
Surprise! Life happens perfectly in each moment. Often, the biggest gifts come disguised in seriously painful events. Until you let go of expectations, you may miss the opportunities that surround you.
For more posts by Ali Bierman, click here.
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