Your heart is broken and you just cannot understand how someone you love can do such a thing!
Whether they cheated on you, lied, or left you— the feelings you are having are incredibly painful. You have thoughts of hatred and perhaps even some of revenge. Your feeling confused, lost, hurt, miserable, and angry. So where does this leave you?
Right in the middle of an important choice!
You always have the power to choose. You can elect to go through the grieving process in order to let go of the person or what they did or you can choose to hold onto the anger and remain stuck.
Many people unknowingly choose the later, remaining in a state of despair for far too long. This choice blocks their ability to move forward as well as causing great strain on their emotional and physical wellbeing.
So how does one let go and forgive someone, especially if what they did seems unforgiveable?
First, you must allow all of your feelings. In this human experience, it is extremely important to allow and feel your emotions. In order to accomplish this you feel them, understand them, and then let them go. When this is not done, those negative emotions become trapped in our physical body and wreck havoc on our overall well being.
There are many tools to use to process through your feelings. You can talk to supportive friends and family, journal, scream, punch a pillow, or work with a professional who can assist you.
The goal of working through your feelings is to get to the other side of them.
Have you ever met someone who was an angry person? That is what happens when one does not process through their anger; they actually become the anger!
The next step involves the process of grieving. There are four stages of grieving which include anger, denial, bargaining, and acceptance. As you move through this process and go through each stage, it is important to know that there is no one right way to grieve. Everyone has his or her own unique way and time frame. In fact, one person may move through the stage in a sequential order while another may bounce back and forth between the stages. The important aspect of the grieving process is to get to the place of acceptance.
Finally, the last step is the actual forgiving.
Forgiveness is very difficult for many people when they feel that the other person did something very “wrong.” The fact is whatever the other person did or did not do does not matter. In order for you to fully move forward from a healed place, you must be able to forgive them and their actions. This does not mean you excuse or accept mistreatment or abuse in any way. It does mean that you are choosing to forgive for your own well being. When we judge someone (even if we are right) it is as if we are holding a sword over our own head. The act of judging and persecution keeps us stuck in a dark and hurting place.
When we rise above, let go, and forgive we are setting ourselves free. We are allowing ourselves to move forward, be happy, live life, and love again. In the end, it is always our choice to become better instead of bitter!
Bree Maresca-Kramer, M.A. is a contributing blogger for JenningsWire.