As the calendar pages slowly flipped to the start of each month, the anniversary of my cure from epilepsy approached.
Each year for over 20 years I marveled over the fact I was leading a “cured” life.
Unfortunately the June after I was diagnosed with cancer I discovered new emotions inside of me beyond joy, happiness, and being pleased.
They were emotions I couldn’t pin down long enough to name them.
One day as my husband noticed the concerned look on my face he asked me what was wrong.
‘I don’t know. Nothing.’ I said. Before he may have fallen for that lame excuse but not this time as he continued to pry. Finally in the midst of tears I told him I was no longer cured. Looking at me as if I had a return of my epilepsy and its seizures he asked me what I meant.
Way down deep inside of me I had it in my mind I was no longer considered cured. I had lost my status I so enjoyed because I now had cancer. I couldn’t go around telling people any more I was cured. Wow, what a crazy notion. I was still cured of my epilepsy. Having cancer didn’t change that. There was still plenty to rejoice over and be thankful for.
Stirring up stress over something I had no control over was a ridiculous journey my mind decided to take.
Hidden behind my little bout of feeling down about not being cured was self-pity flaring up over the fact I now had cancer.
As I looked down at my feet I could tell the next step I was about to take was the one where I would land on the ‘why me’ stone in front of me. Stop it! I shouted. I’m not going there again as I had struggled with that enough when I had epilepsy.
Oh the stress we bring upon ourselves when we get silly notions into our heads and allow them to take root.
Free from our disease or not we are as cured as allow ourselves to be in our thinking. We can allow our disease or troubles to spread throughout our entire body or life or we can walk determined to keep on moving forward.
The day I was mourning over the fact I was no longer a person who was ‘cured’ stopped me in my tracks from going forward.
Cured or not life goes on and we can’t allow it to stop us. It certainly can slow us down but it doesn’t have to stop us completely if don’t allow it.
A better idea is to live our lives to the fullest we possibly can. Whether we are cured or not lacks a good excuse to stop and progress no further. It’s our doctor’s job to stop our disease from spreading but it’s our job to keep our spirit moving forward progressing in strength, hope, and the determination to go on.
Cured or not is simply a minor detail in a life we need to plan to live to its fullest.