George Clooney has a lot of things going for him.
He is a successful actor, a handsome man, and a charismatic philanthropist. What he doesn’t have going for him is his choice of suitable girlfriends. For someone who claims to not want marriage and kids, he sure dates a lot of women who want exactly that. Is this the perfect defense mechanism for an intimacy-phobe, or is he just a superbly bad decision-maker?
Whatever the reason is unimportant. What is important is that he date me. No, not because I am under some kind of delusion that this idea bears any resemblance to reality, but because of the c-word. (Good grief, not that one.)
I’m talking about compatibility, which means “capable of being connected to another device without the use of special equipment or software”. Ok, this definition is referring to electronics, but I think it carries over into relationships quite nicely. You must have important things in common or you run the risk of having to purchase special equipment, namely a divorce.
When it comes to compatibility, here’s why George Clooney should date me:
1. Biological Clock On Permanent Snooze. Apparently I’m the only woman in Los Angeles, maybe even the galaxy, who isn’t interested in marriage and babies. Zero. Zilch. Nada. In fact, so sure am I, that people have often questioned my mental faculties (which, by the way, my psychiatrist tells me are just fine) and petitioned to confiscate my membership to womanhood (which I just renewed at the DMV, so it’s good for another ten years).
Immediate Benefit to Clooney: Increased free time and energy now that not forced to defend self, cleverly side-step issue, or fake deafness.
2. BYOSOH: Bring Your Own Sense of Humor. If you’ve seen George Clooney in interviews with Matt Damon or Brad Pitt, you’ve seen him at his best, banter-wise. It’s like a game of wits with their rapid-fire improvisation, razor-sharp delivery and parallel thought process. But have you ever seen him share that same energy, wit and connection with his girlfriends? With me, it’d be a laugh a minute. On purpose, I mean.
Immediate Benefit to Clooney: Extend life additional 8.5 years. Avoid dangerous level s of maturity.
3. Nespresso. I speak Italian. Which is perfect, because Clooney’s second house is in Italy. Ok, so Elisabetta Canalis probably speaks it much better than I do, considering she is Italian and all, but who likes a show-off?
Immediate Benefit to Clooney: See number two.
4. Height. Clearly, height is important to Clooney. At 5’10” I may be a bit of a giant out in the real world, but when it comes to Clooney’s taste in women, I just barely qualify for the Giraffe Club. No matter, I can always throw on a pair of heels and make it over the six-foot mark, thereby dwarfing him.
Immediate Benefit to Clooney: You got me.
5. George? Well, I’d have to call him by his full name. Every time. And who wouldn’t want an intimate relationship with someone who only refers to you by your first and last name?
Immediate Benefit to Clooney: Feel powerful due to royalty-like title.
6. Communication. Believe it or not, we’ve already established an open line of communication. Back in the winter of ’05 he called me up early one morning to share his excitement that he’d been nominated for a whole lot of Oscars—director, screenplay and supporting actor. We spoke for a few minutes; he was shy, humble, a little sleepy from a restless night of eager anticipation. Ok, maybe he was just calling because I worked at an entertainment industry magazine and he was phoning in his official reaction, but we totally had a connection, man.
Immediate Benefit to Clooney: Restraining order. Also, material for next film about woman who thinks internal dialogue with movie star is real.
7. He’s a hot man. And I like hot men. Doesn’t get more compatible than that.
Immediate Benefit to Clooney: None. Immediate Benefit to Selena: Oh yeah.
So as you can see, compatibility is key when it comes to a mature, loving relationship that works—out in the real world, that is.
Read more posts by Selena Templeton, love and relationship expert. Selena blogs for JenningsWire.
JenningsWire.com is an online feature magazine created by National Publicist, Annie Jennings, of the PR Firm specializing in providing publicity services and book promotion to authors, speakers and experts. Annie’s firm offers the famous pay for placement publicity program as well the powerful radio talk show campaign that comes up a guarantee of performance, bookings on big radio talk shows in major cities as well as unlimited media training.