Once upon a time, I not so brilliantly suggested getting married on Valentine’s Day.
He thought that was an awesome idea, because then he only needed to remember one date – February 14th. We’ve been exes for a decade now. Needless to say, Valentine’s Day is one emotionally thorny day.
Hey, nobody’s perfect. Which is exactly the point of Arielle Ford’s book Wabi Sabi Love. This little book review, by the way, is your Valentine’s Day gift.
Can you find the imperfect beauty in your partner’s leaving the seat up, always being ten minutes late, entertaining perfect strangers with jokes while you tap your foot impatiently? Arielle Ford suggests you consider this: what if the seat is always down, you wait and wait and your partner never arrives, the laughter stops…because your loving partner is gone. Ah-ha! Sudden appreciation for their imperfections.
Humor and humility work, she says.
Maybe have a code word for when your other is slipping into that behavior you both don’t like. Where did that behavior come from? Your mom? He can call you by your mom’s name.
But then, there’s that yin and yang thing. When you really, truly “listen in”, you comprehend whether your male and female energy are in balance. Then, you use the same idea with your partner. I can feel the emotional energy of the one I love in my heart – my own heart heats up, and if it’s angry or upset energy, it hurts me a little. It’s a great cue to gently ask questions. But, if it’s happy, loving energy I’m feeling, it is a double dose of the best stuff anywhere.
Arielle Ford pours stories of real couples into her Wabi Sabi examples, and what they’ve learned. Relationship experts – and long-time-married couple – Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks have revealed research that proves a twenty-second hug is the fastest way to deeply connect with your partner. It jacks up the oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Wabi Sabi, she says, is about always playing on the same team, and making choices that serve the relationship as well as the highest good.
You may want to consider Arielle Ford’s highest teachings.
As simple as they are, they are tough to execute. Release your expectations. Surrender your fears. And, let go.
As this Valentine’s Day approaches, you may want to layer in a few of her Wabi Sabi suggestions like “be willing to go from annoyed to enjoyed”, “tell them you love and appreciate them,” and “find the beauty and perfection in the imperfection.”
That imperfection is the crack through which you let the light in.
Read more posts by Diana Page Jordan, professional book reviewer, interviewer, ghostwriter and award-winning broadcast journalist.