Here’s a tip for all you gentlemen who resent the Bad Boy that rides off into the sunset on a Harley with the girl of your dreams: nice guys don’t finish last.
Indecisive, spineless, and colorless guys finish last. Nice guys are revered, adored, longed for, and they do get the girl. But here’s the secret: “nice” cannot be the only adjective that describes you.
“Nice”, “reliable” and “easy to talk to” are sneaky bastards because they can deceive you into thinking that’s all you need to win over a woman. But the truth is, we need something more than a girlfriend with balls. And you don’t have to be a jerk, either. The nice guy who is sans girlfriend may think that he has to play The Game (i.e. act like an ass, be a player) in order to attract and keep a gal, but that’s just ridiculous. If you want to win the girl, the only games you should be playing are those that require dice.
Just because you’re nice doesn’t mean you have to rule out sexy, fun, adventurous, mischievous—or even idiotic. So here are five reasons why I think nice guys finish last:
- You’re not nice, you’re resentful. After all these years of believing you never get the gal because you’re too nice, you’ve created a self-fulfilling prophecy. And playing out this story time and again has led to a resentment the size of California. Now, unbeknownst to you, you approach a woman you like with a major chip on your shoulder. And who isn’t attracted to that?
- Yes you’re nice, but you’re also indecisive. Never being able to make a simple decision about which restaurant to go to, for example, will drive a girl away like she’s Mario Andretti. I know you modern guys are trying be the antithesis to your Neanderthal ancestors who told, not asked, women their opinions, but let’s keep things in perspective. There’s a difference between informing your date that she’s moving to Haiti, and informing her that you’ve made a reservation at her favorite sushi place.
- You’ve mistaken nice for manipulative. There’s a strange belief that people-pleasing is a good quality to have. You know, put other people’s needs before your own, develop ESP, stifle all emotions except happiness, and never, ever say no. But the problem is, chronic people-pleasing morphs into emotional manipulation because you’ve taught yourself to get what you need by being indirect. And believe me, show me a nice, emotionally manipulative guy, and I’ll show you the back of my head as I run down the street away from him.
- Sure you’re nice, if by nice you mean completely flavorless. In order to come across as the nice guy, the guy who never argues, the guy who always agrees, the guy who miraculously likes everything you like (Steel Magnolias, really?), what you are actually doing is methodically draining away every last opinion you’ve ever had. And without an opinion or two, you’re like a Thai dish without the spices: just a bunch of leaves swimming around in fish sauce.
- You may be nice…or you may be a girl with a little extra hair. In this modern world of chemicals, pills, parabens, toxins and xenoestrogens (synthetic, or ‘bad’ estrogen), all of us are being saturated with an estrogen dominance, to one degree or another. For women this means intense PMS and belly fat; for men this means less testosterone and man boobs. Need I say more?
So guys, be nice—please!—but don’t just be nice. Be open-minded, decisive, secure, spicy and masculine. And if that doesn’t work, I’m having a girls-night out this weekend and you’re invited.
Read more posts by Selena Templeton, love and relationship expert. Selena blogs for JenningsWire.