You’ve met “the guy!”
He loves you! He’s “all you ever wanted!” He loves your friends! He loves your family! They all love him! You are so happy, fulfilled and finally where you always wanted to be! Suddenly, you sense something is amiss! Is it that he now wants you to dress differently? Or questions “where you are” all the time? Maybe he wants you to spend less time with your family and friends….You tell yourself…”He loves me! He must be right!”
However….it just doesn’t feel right! What do you do? Friends and family start questioning your “Mr. Wonderful!” They may say things like…..”You don’t seem like yourself!” Or…”are things okay?”
You may know they aren’t, deep down, but oh, that love! Mr. Wonderful! “I felt so fulfilled when he came into my life!” You may convince yourself that “he needs me!” Guess what!? He does! Not like you may think, though.
Narcissism is or was a Personality Disorder that until 2013, was in the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM IV. (What is that??) The Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM) is the tool used by Psychiatrists and Psychologists to assess mental health or emotional disorders. It includes criteria for Major Mental Illnesses (Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, etc.) and Personality Disorders (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Antisocial Personality Disorder, etc.).
Well….guess what?! The American Psychiatric Association will be excluding “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” from its classifiable “Personality Disorders” effective in 2013! Why? “Narcissism” is one of the top topics “searched” on the internet as of 2012! This is due to the fact that there are more Narcissists in the U.S. today than ever before!!!! People….. (mostly women, because most Narcissists are men) fall for them!!! They are good at luring people (women) into their “trap!”
The children of today
Children today are being “coddled and made to be very inactive” by their parents that they don’t have the time to experience full emotions, including disappointment, problem-solving and empathy! Narcissists know none of these things! This is the problem! Narcissists somehow learn to be endearing, engaging, and “lovable” despite their complete lack of empathy! Their ability to “lure” is amazingly effective! But, remember! Anyone or anything that seems “too good to be true” usually is! I’ve been a Psychotherapist for about 20 years now.
I can honestly say that 95% of my clients are seeing me, not because of their craziness, but because there is someone in their lives making them feel crazy! This is treatable as long as clients that deal with these narcissists are open to accepting this as “nonsense of others” in your life! You have the power to do so! You must decide to accept it, and use it! As this epidemic of Narcissism grows, please be aware, and feel free to contact me for help!
This blog is awesome! It completely puts in words what I have been unable to pinpoint and could not explain! Before I knew it, I was knee deep in Narcissist hell!! If I would have known what to look for as explained, I think I would have been much more keen to the signs! Nicely done, Leo! Great job!! My hope is that other women can see these signs and to be able to escape before it’s too late!
Great Blog! It is amazing how children can be led into Narcissism but it makes so much sense in today’s world!!
This is such a great blog! It completely addresses how a women winds up down that road thinking to herself “why me”?? Knowing of this personally, it happens to the strongest of girls! I couldn’t understand how someone so strong could be hooked, lined, and sunk with this guy! And to hear that the diagnosis is being removed from the DSN! Ugh, Incredible!
Completely interesting how many children of today are being “protected” and will never feel these very things that are needed in growth to prevent it!
Well…Stella…..THAT’S THE EXACT PROBLEM in dealing with Narcissists! They WOW people in with their “dynamic” personalities!!! THEN…..all goes DOWN-HILL when you begin to realize that it’s “all about them!” Mentally-healthy people realize this and RUN! Others, with less healthy self-esteems, continue trying and trying to “fix” them or provide them with “all they need,” but to NO AVAIL!!!
My next book will be VERY HELPFUL to anyone who has, had or MAY become involved with a narcissist! Stay tuned, and PLEASE keep in touch!!!
Hi Elizabeth!!! YOU ARE A GEM!!!!! Thanks so much for your kind words!!!! And yes! These narcissists are GROWING IN RECORD NUMBERS!!!! Someone told me today he has a “friend” that has a cell phone he “talks to” and asks “it” “AM I GORGEOUS?” AND the phone replies “YES!” This technological world we live in now ENCOURAGES SELF-LOVE without ability to LOVE OTHERS!!! PLEASE KEEP IN TOUCH!!! Thanks again Elizabeth!!!
Leo inspires me to better myself, and advises me to help others around me to do the same. I believe we should never reach a point where we believe we are beyond self-reflection and betterment, and Leo is a constant source of encouragement in these areas. He helps me want to be a better person for myself, a better wife, a better friend, a better mother, etc.. Therefore, the wealth of his knowledge will benefit not only me, but generations to come, and there is nothing more valuable than that!
Leo, I blog about narcissism, sociopaths, and other dark souls often. I greatly appreciate what you said about your clients having someone in their lives who is making them feel crazy.
Personally I believe the more our society shuts out God, the more we tend to become our own gods, so it’s no surprise that the net result is an explosion of narcissism and the horrific damage that ensues.
Author Sandra L. Brown nails what these types do in her book Women Who Love Psychopaths, echoing some of the same sentiments that appeared in her earlier book, How to Spot a Dangerous Man. What you’ve said is very similar to Sandra’s take on this type of people as well.
leo you are and your words are truly inspiriing…keep up the good work ..hope to hear more from you! I also bought multiple copies of your book (which was excellent! ) to pass on to friends/ Will you be lecturing anywhere nearby in the future?