The mistake that most people make is that they assume other people like and want the same things that they do.
Hence the high rate of marriage. And then when they realize the other person has interests quite different from theirs and they can’t be changed, they get upset and run the other way. Hence the high rate of divorce.
One area where this is most prevalent is in the buying of gifts for your significant other. You see something you like (and would therefore get use from it yourself) or something you would like to see your boyfriend wear/use/go to. This kind of assumption can only lead to the age-old formula that when you assume you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me”.
If you want to save your relationship, take a look at this list of five gifts not to buy your man:
- Tickets to the ballet. Imagine this: your boyfriend hands you a beautifully wrapped box on your birthday. With giddy anticipation you carefully peel away the pink paper, wondering what love-induced present he thinks will be perfect for you. You finally get to the gift, hidden under layer upon layer of Styrofoam peanuts, and there, at the bottom of the package is…a sports figure bottle opener that makes a farting noise when cracking open a cold one. You feel that disappointment? So don’t get him tickets to the ballet.
- Alanis Morissette CDs. I love Alanis. You love Alanis. Lots of people love Alanis. But the music that made her famous was her earlier anger-fueled, disappointed-in-men work. And while she has moved on and mellowed somewhat, most people remember her for her Jagged Little Pill album. So when you gift an Alanis Morissette CD to your boyfriend, chances are he’s going to think you’re trying to tell him something, and that something is: you’ve hurt me for the last time, you lousy testosterone-laden member of the Homo sapiens species! Note: replace Alanis with any female demographic-targeted music for the same effect.
- Underwear. I knew a gal who did not care for the underwear her boyfriend wore, which is not-so-affectionately known as: tighty whities. She cringed every time they were about to get naked with each other, and either turned the light off or ripped all his clothes off in record time. She finally got so tired of them that she went out and bought him a bunch of silk boxers. But alas, he never wore them. Why? Because he likes his white cotton briefs. To him they were comfortable, practical, and kept his rather abundant family jewels snugly in place. Underwear is just too personal to be purchased by anyone other than the wearer.
- Jewelry. Every once in a while you find a guy who is comfortable wearing jewelry. A wedding band, for example. A puka shell necklace. Numerous earrings attached by a chain to matching hoops in the nose. But, as you may have already deduced, each of these men is wearing their particular piece of jewelry for a specific reason. So unless your boyfriend is married, a surfer dude, or Marilyn Manson, lay off the decorative adornments.
- Blender or other kitchen appliance. If you think the adage “build it and he will come” works in this instance (“buy it and he will make me breakfast”), prepare to feel disappointed. And hungry. Buying someone a gift in an effort to alter their habits, preferences or lifestyle is called magical thinking, and belongs in fairy tales or on therapists’ couches.
So, let’s all help keep the divorce rate down and buy gifts for your man that are in alignment with what he really wants, and not what you really want him to be.
Read more posts by Selena Templeton, love and relationship expert. Selena blogs for JenningsWire.