We’ve all seen it. Some energetic, mysterious person floats in the room looking like they have the world at their fingertips. They appear to have that certain “It” Factor! You are intrigued! But then they open their mouth and with incessant talking about themselves, and you think “Oh no, what happened?” Or “Hmmm..not so interesting! ”
The truth is that ALL of us can have the “It” factor, or “charisma” at certain times, and we all have times where our personality is like a dusty mirror which needs polishing. We know a charismatic person when we see them! They have a combination of passion, excitement, magnetism, and fire in the belly. The genuine love of people comes through with warmth and poise. We feel good when we connect with them. And we want to be like them! Even though we may (or may not) think we are that charismatic, we can all remember a time where we were “on”, and people paid attention to us.We knew that we were influencing others in a positive manner.
What prevents us from being at our best? What are we doing that decreases our power, our influence, our Charisma, and our ability to lead people? I call them charisma busters!
1. I am the best- If your mama always thought (and still thinks) you hung the moon, watch out! This person is used to being the best, and wants the world to know! This self-righteous attitude, obsessive concern for self, and inflated ego is nothing but a bad habit that needs to be broken. Focus on helping the others. Make a commitment not to speak about yourself AT ALL for a week. Spend time asking about others and acknowledging them for their victories!
2. I lived the high life- Yes, you probably used to be great. But, what have you done for me lately? Add value now. Volunteer. This change will help become passionate.
3. Poor me syndrome- Negative subconscious thoughts sound like this: “I’m not good enough”, “I’m not going to win”, “I probably won’t get the client”. These beliefs feed mediocrity. Change your internal dialogue to “Thank you God for giving me this beautiful day, my health, my home, life, etc. Get enthusiastic about the good things and be extremely conscious about what you say to yourself, because it influences your ‘thought life’, your way of thinking about yourself. Write down 10 things every morning.. Let yourself get excited about these things. Practice feeling passionately about them! Feel the JOY of feeling passionate.
4. I live in fear- Fear becomes intimidation, manifesting as nervousness, anxiety, depression, even shyness! Do a one minute get free exercise to release the fear once and for all. Take a buddy and start the clock! YELL for ONE MINUTE without stopping. Do NOT stop talking and look in their eyes the whole time. Say anything that comes to mind. Do this exercise over and over until you feel FREE to say and do anything and go anywhere. At first it may be intimidating, and then it becomes invigorating!
5. I don’t have a voice- If you constantly use non words such as: “um”, “ah”, “like” during conversations or presentations. These are words that stop the flow of thoughts and make you appear unsure. You may even avoid the important eye contact! Before you go to a function where you’ll be meeting new people, brush up on the current news, movies, sports and any special events. This is not to take over a conversation but to contribute! Focus on asking questions to others! Then look at the person, eyeball to eyeball, with a smile and wait for their answers!
6. Criticism- If you’re critical of others, you’re critical of yourself! When the little things annoy, they can quickly become big things. This critical “spirit” will destroy relationships. BUST THROUGH TO CHARISMA: After you’ve been with a person, write down 5 things you admired about that person. This pattern will become a habit over time!
7. Married to my identity- “This is how I’ve always been”, or “This is me and people should stop trying to change me.” This attitude will keep you there, with limited growth or ability to connect with others. Look for ways to embrace new habits. Make a conscious effort to watch and be around others you admire and visualize yourself how YOU want to be! Practice makes perfect!
Change can take a long time or it can happen immediately. It’s all up to you. By adding more charisma to your life you will start to enjoy people more, your experiences more, and you will enjoy yourself more! When you’ve taken the time to bust through to charisma the world will love and embrace the new YOU!